Bizarre Flesh Eating Cult To Choose New Leader

Hundreds of super-rich dress clad celibate men are meeting in a gold laden state to choose a new infallible leader this week. The medieval "conclave" is following rules set down by the largest land owners of pre-industrial Europe to guide their 1 billion followers so that they can avoid the world's most venal evils; blow jobs, Playboy magazine, equality of women, gay sex, etc... Smoke will billow from the Sistine Chapel soon so that we will know that God's choice has been consummated.